


Overwhelming Emotion

by romanticalgirl



Series: Never Thought I'd Be Here [3]
Category: Dawson's Creek
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-02-12
Packaged: 2018-01-12 01:58:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1180567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romanticalgirl/pseuds/romanticalgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Originally posted 2/21/00</p>
    </blockquote>





	Overwhelming Emotion

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted 2/21/00

A soft breeze danced across Joey’s cheek and she brushed at it, mumbling softly in her sleep. It came again and she turned over, slowly opening her eyes.

Pacey grinned lazily, “Wake up sleepyhead.”

She matched his grin then realized he was in her bedroom. “Pacey.”

“Come on.” He took her hand and tugged gently. “I have a surprise for you.”

“Paaaaccceeeyy,” she whined, pulling her hand back. “It’s…” looking at the clock, she winced. “4 AM.”

“Please?” His gaze fixed on her, his blue eyes wide and pleading.

She threw back the covers and climbed out of the bed. “You’re evil.”

“Mostly.” He took her hand and led her toward the dining room. She looked amazing, sleepy and sexy in a T-shirt and pair of boxers. “You’re not going to believe this, Potter.”

“I can’t believe I let you drag me out of bed at an ungodly hour and…” she stopped, awestruck by the sight in front of her. Soft, huge snowflakes fell, covering the ground. “Oh Pacey.”

He grinned and tugged his hat off his head, “So, I’m forgiven?”

Turning her warm brown eyes on him, she reached out and stroked his cheek. “In case I ever forget how wonderful you are, remind me of this, okay?”

“Be sure of it.” He tilted his head toward the door. “So, you wanna go play?”

Giggling softly, she nodded. “Let me go change.”

He watched her hurry back to her room a pleasant ache in his chest. “I’ll be waiting.”

 

~**~  
It’s like a wonderland. I don’t ever remember seeing snow and somehow, sharing it with Pacey, I don’t care if I have or not. This is one of those memories that’s going to stay with me forever.

He’s hiding behind one of the trees, building a snowball arsenal. We’ve already made snow angels and a really meager snowman and now I’ve got to deal with the more macho side of Mr. Witter. It’s my own fault, I suppose. He figured that since I wasn’t a tomboy anymore, I couldn’t take him in a snowball fight.

Like he’s had any more practice than I have.

I can see him in the weird light the snow has seemed to trap between the sky and the earth. It’s a strange ethereal glow that shimmers with sunlight, even though it’s still early in the morning. His hat hides his hair, but I can see the tips of his ears, reddened from the cold and his eyes seem even bluer for the blush that covers his cheeks.

He looks like a storybook hero, which takes a little getting used to. I mean, this is Pacey, for heaven’s sake.

Pacey. My boyfriend.

The thought takes me by surprise, even though, after yesterday’s…event, I don’t know how I could think of him as anything else. I try not to think too much about what happened. Not because I’m ashamed or embarrassed, but because when I think about Pacey losing control because of me, it makes my knees go weak.

I can picture him, shaking and breathing hard, his body thrusting toward mine and…

I stop the thought as my body starts to shake. Thinking about Pacey like that makes me think of me and Pacey like that and I don’t know that I’m ready for that. But looking at him now, watching him as he looks over at me and smiles? I think I could be close to ready: very, very soon.

 

~**~  
“Take that!”

Joey shrieked as Pacey’s snowball smacked her hard in the chest. Scooping up a handful of snow, she launched herself at him, tackling him and sending them both sprawling on the ground. She grinned impishly, her puffs of breath blanketing him as she lay above him. “You’re so dead, Witter.”

“Am I?”

She nodded and shoved the handful of snow firmly in his face. Pacey coughed and spluttered, shaking snow off him. “Bitch,” he teased.

“Bitch?” Her eyebrow arched and she moved a bit closer. “Is that what you called me?”

“Maybe.” He raised a hand and traced her eyebrow with his fingertip.

“You kiss your mother with that mouth, Pace?”

“No.” He raised his head until his breath mingled with hers. “I kiss you.”

Joey didn’t smile as she lowered her head and pressed her lips to his. Pacey closed his eyes and let his hands move up to her hips, not caring that the wet and cold were beginning to soak through his jeans. Finally, Joey pulled back, laughing softly. “Your lips are cold.”

“Maybe because some crazy woman dumped a snow drift on me.” He inhaled sharply as she shifted above him, causing his already aroused body to react further.

“The rest of you feels warm.”

“That’s because you can’t feel my ass.” Pacey winced. “Of course, neither can I.”

Joey scrambled off of him. “Sorry.”

Getting to his feet, Pacey turned away to quickly adjust himself. “No apology necessary.”

Joey blushed as she realized what he was doing and why; her eyes focused on the wet denim that clung to his skin. The sight of him sent shivers that had nothing to do with the freezing temperatures through her own body. “So…we should probably go inside?”

He turned back to her; his eyes warm despite the cold. “I could stand a change of clothes and maybe a hot chocolate. You can boil water, right Potter?”

“Very funny, Pacey.” She took his hand and headed back for the B&B, her face turned up to catch the still falling snow on her tongue. He watched her, guiding her with their joined hands so that she didn’t stumble. When they reached the porch, he tugged gently, pulling her to a stop. She turned her head to him.

“Potter?”

She tilted her head and moved close to him, her lips finding his. Their lips were cold; her tongue icy from the kiss of the snow, but neither cared. Pacey’s tongue slipped into her mouth, eager to warm hers as his hands slid around her waist. Joey moved closer, needing to feel him pressed against her body. Her hands tangled in his wet hair, pulling him nearer.

Moments later, she broke the kiss and stared into his blue eyes. “I’m freezing, Pacey.”

“Really? I’m burning up.” He pulled out of her embrace and climbed the stairs to the porch, still holding her hand.

She managed a weak smile and followed him, both of them being quiet so they wouldn’t wake the still sleeping household. They crept down the hall to her room, shutting the door behind them. As soon as it clicked, Joey looked at Pacey, realization dawning in her eyes. “Oh. We’re…”

“Alone.” Pacey nodded nervously, suddenly feeling the cold. “I…I think I’m going to take a shower, if that’s all right. I don’t suppose you have anything I could wear?”

“You came over to play in the snow and didn’t bring a change of clothes?” Joey’s eyebrow shot up haughtily and she shook her head. “You’re an idiot, Pacey.”

“I was in the moment.”

“And now you’re going to be in the nude.”

He grinned devilishly, stepping closer to her. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Josephine?”

“I think I can find something down the hall.” She dashed out of the room, Pacey’s closeness and intent finally getting to her. She disappeared into the laundry room as she heard the soft hiss of the shower start up. A smile danced across her face as she sorted through the piles of clean clothes, searching for something he could wear.

 

~**~  
I ducked into the bathroom as quickly as I could, the insistent throbbing of my erection about to override any common sense I had. I wanted to follow her down the hall and pin her against the washer and dryer and…well, it’s probably best not to think about that right now.

The hot water starts to warm me up, easing the biting chill that rolling in the snow caused. Rolling in the snow with Joey on top of me…

Grabbing the shower controller, I flip the cold water on. Right now, I don’t care that I’m freezing. If I don’t get my mind off Joey and onto something much safer, I’m not going to make it through the night. Hell, I’m not going to make it out the door before I carry her over to her bed and ruin everything between us.

I mean, I’m in love with her and I want to be with her, but I also want it to be perfect. I want to be the first time she deserves and wants and I know that right now, it would be anything but. Right now it would be frantic and needy. Right now, it would be all about me.

Leaning back against the walls of the shower, I sigh and take my erection in hand. Ever since my freshman year, I’ve had various fantasies that have got me through the lonely times. There’s been Tamara, of course and a little bit of Joey, although that one was so forbidden and seemed so unattainable that I tried to keep my mind off of her. There have even been a few movie stars that have spent some time in my fantasy hotel, but now there’s nothing there. Except her.

Whenever I close my eyes, I see her dark hair covering my thighs as she moves over me, her mouth hot against my skin. I see her gorgeous eyes as she watches me as I lose control, shivering and shaking from her touch. My hand moves of it’s own accord, mimicking her motions from earlier, feeling nowhere near as good.

The icy water hits my legs and I shiver again, my hand moving faster as I imagine Joey, my Joey, staring down at me, her eyes gazing into mine, her body pressed to mine, the hot wetness I’d felt that night in the cabin poised just out of reach. I strain forward, trying to capture her heat and feel the sting of the needles of water hit my hand.

Clenching my teeth together, I pull back just as I slip over the edge. My legs are trembling and I quickly reach out to turn the water back to warm. My chest is heaving and I can’t seem to catch my breath. God, I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want her, as much as I need her.

Tonight is going to be hell.

 

~**~  
Pacey turned off the water and stood in the shower for a long moment, his eyes closed. His quick release had added to his exhaustion. He hadn’t slept at all after he’d dropped Joey off the day before and, when he’d seen the snowfall, he knew he wouldn’t get any. Sharing the rare occurrence with her took precedence over anything else and he’d snuck out of his house before he gave the matter any thought.

Or grabbed any clothes.

“Pace?”

Her soft voice undid the work of the cold last half of the shower. He knew he was going to have to be alone with her or go home and, given the choice, he wasn’t going anywhere. “Yeah?”

“I’m coming in. I found…well, not much. I don’t think you’ll fit in any of my clothes…”

“And I’m not interested in making that kind of fashion statement, thank you very much. Surely I’ve managed to prove at least that much to you over the past couple of days?”

“My sweats, Pacey. And Bodie’s aren’t in the laundry room. So, I have…well, I have…”

“What Jo?” He was tempted to push back the door just so he could see her face. Something in her voice made him worry a little.

“I have a pair of Dawson’s boxer shorts.”

“Oh.” His voice deepened and he took a deep breath. “Right, well, of course you’d have a pair of Dawson’s boxer shorts because…”

“We went swimming and he didn’t have any trunks, so he borrowed a pair of Bodie’s and afterwards he sort of left ‘em here.”

“Left them here or…” Pacey stopped and shook his head. “I’m sorry. I don’t have the right to…”

Joey opened the shower door, a grin on her face. “Left ‘em here.” She didn’t look anywhere but at his face, but Pacey could feel his body respond. She held out the boxers on the tip of one finger. Moving her hand forward, she ran the material down his chest and stomach, stopping just above his waistline. Pacey gritted his teeth and clenched his hands in an effort to not reach out and grab her. “You man enough to fill Dawson’s boxers?”

Pacey grinned wolfishly and took hold of her wrist lightly. Guiding her hand even lower, he let her finger brush over the tip of his returning erection. “More than man enough.”

Joey giggled and released the material, backing away as he grabbed for it. “You’re still all wet, Pacey. I should let you get dried off.”

“Wet isn’t all I am, Josephine.”

It was funny how the sound of her hated name seemed so different when he used that tone, when his voice rumbled from somewhere deep inside him. “I’ll wait for you outside, Pacey.”

He nodded once as she hurried out the door, leaving him alone to change into Dawson’s boxers. Grabbing the pile of wet clothes outside the door, she went back to the laundry room and shoved them all in the dryer without looking.

She’d seen Dawson in various stages of undress before and she’d seen Pacey in swim trunks and now, a lot less. But somehow the act of holding his clothes, still warm from his body, in her arms was a little overwhelming. Not wanting to think too much about it, she turned the dial on the dryer and headed back to her bedroom.

 

~**~  
God, I’ve turned into a vixen of the first order, haven’t I? I mean, since when does little Joey Potter barge into the bathroom where Pacey is showering to hand over nothing more than a pair of boxers belonging to her ex-boyfriend?

At least I was telling the truth about how they got there. It was tough. I could see the questions in his eyes, but to give Pacey credit, he believed me. Although that might have had something to do with the fact that my hand was snaking down his chest, headed straight for his…

He’s standing in my bedroom doorway, and the boxers are doing absolutely nothing to hide exactly how Pacey feels about me. I have to wonder, just a little, at how Dawson managed to sleep beside me for so long. I mean, it’s glaringly obvious after just one day of being Pacey’s girlfriend that I just have to look at him a certain way and his body will betray him.

With Dawson, it was never like that. I never got the impression that I affected him physically at all. Giving Pacey a grin, I put a little bit if sway in my step just to see what it does to him. He closes his eyes for just a minute and I see his fists clench like they did earlier.

I shouldn’t do it. I mean, I don’t intend for anything to happen between us tonight, so it’s really unfair of me to torture him, but torturing Pacey is something I’ve done so well for so long, although it never had this same connotation before.

I move in front of him and touch his bare chest. My eyes are raised to his and I can see that he’s tired. Standing on tiptoe, I brush a soft kiss across his lips and then drop back down. I take his hand and lead him into the bedroom, closing the door behind us. Grabbing my shirt and shorts again, I gesture to the bathroom and rush out of the room.

I hope that when I come back to the room, Pacey won’t be expecting anything. Although, I have to admit as I close the bathroom door behind me and stare at myself through the steam from his shower, I kind of hope he will.

 

~**~  
The room was dark as Joey made her way back inside. Pacey was snuggled under the covers, the comforter just under his nose, sleeping soundly. She smiled and walked over to the other side of the bed and lay on top of it. Grabbing the blanket off the end, she pulled it up over her then leaned over and kissed him softly on the forehead.

“Night Pacey.”

“Night Joey,” he mumbled. “Love you.”

“I love you too.”

 

~**~  
“Morning sleepyhead.” Bessie’s voice penetrated Joey’s haze of sleep as she sat down on the end of the bed. “Or should I say heads?”

Eyes snapping open, Joey sat up quickly. “It’s not…what you’re thinking.”

“Really?” Bessie couldn’t help but smile at the panicked look on her little sister’s face. “Because I’m thinking Pacey showed up last night, took you out to play in the snow and crashed here. If that’s not what I should be thinking, why don’t you tell me where I guessed wrong?”

“Okay, it is what you’re thinking, since you’re thinking it’s all perfectly innocent.” Joey sighed with relief and looked down at Pacey’s still sleeping figure. “He was really tired.”

“Wear him out?”

“What?” She glanced back at Bessie, guilt plain on her face. “No. Not…what?”

“With the snowball fight?” Standing up, Bessie shrugged. “You guys did have a snowball fight, I’m guessing?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Joey’s eyes narrowed. “You’re enjoying making me squirm, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” Bessie handed her the phone. “Dawson wants you to call him. School’s been cancelled and I believe our own Mr. Spielberg is planning a gala movie event for the whole gang.”

“You don’t need help around here?”

“The roads are pretty much closed, the creek is frozen over. I’m guessing we’re not having a lot of visitors today.”

“You mean the whole Potter family gets a day off?” Joey’s eyes widened. “Wow.”

“Well, not all of us.” Bessie nodded down the hall. “I think there’s some laundry that might need folding.”

“Have I told you lately that you’re the best meddling sister anyone could have?”

“No, but then, I already knew it, so you’re forgiven.”

“Thanks.” Joey smirked as Bessie left the room. Looking down at Pacey, she reached out with one hand and ran it over his now exposed chest. He’d tossed and turned a little in his sleep and the covers hadn’t fared very well. He felt so warm, his skin smooth with the softness of slumber as her fingers trailed over the surface of his body. “Pacey?”

He smiled, his eyes still closed. Turning toward her, he threw his arm over her legs, snuggling against her. Joey giggled, trying to ignore the feel of his bare skin against hers. “Mmmm.”

“Pacey.” She shook his shoulder and pushed him back onto his back. He opened one eye and glared up at her.

“I was sleeping.”

“Yeah, well now you’re waking up.”

He reached up with one hand and grabbed her shoulder, pulling her back down onto the bed. Turning on his side, he faced her and smiled as she did the same. His hand began tracing soft patterns on her bare thigh. “Now that I’ve done it twice, I have to say that I like waking up to you, Potter.”

“Well, I don’t think it’s something you should get all that used to, Pacey.” She touched his nose with hers. “I mean, we’re only sixteen. It’s not like I can just invite you over to spend the night whenever I feel like it.”

“You spend the night at Dawson’s all the time.”

“True,” Joey admitted. “But when I sleep next to Dawson? I don’t have the overwhelming urge to jump his bones.”

Pacey coughed then started laughing. “Thank God for small favors.”

“Speaking of Dawson, we’re supposed to call him. School’s been cancelled and there’s a movie day planned.”

“So, we’re off to see the Leery’s?”

“Another rousing afternoon of E.T.”

Pacey groaned and fell back onto the bed. “I don’t know that I can handle an afternoon of the Peter Pan Syndrome.” Looking up at her, he met her eyes seriously. “We gonna tell him, Jo?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “I will.”

“Yeah?” His eyes were sad, knowing that the outcome wouldn’t be exactly good for their mutual friendship with Dawson Leery.

“Why don’t you call Dawson? I’ll go get your clothes from the dryer.”

“And how am I supposed to explain my presence in the humble abode of one Joey Potter?”

“Tell him that you came over for breakfast as part of your payment for helping out with the B&B.” She shrugged.

“Lie to him.”

“You really want to tell him you were over here sleeping with me?” She tilted her head and gave him a long look.

“Lie to him it is.”

 

~**~  
I wait until Joey closes the door behind her before picking up the phone she’d left on the bed. I stare at it for a long time, wondering what to do, wondering what to say. Despite popular belief, I’d never intended anyone to know how I felt about Joey, least of all Dawson.

I mean, all my life, Dawson’s been my best friend. He’s stood by me; he’s stood up for me. He’s gone against everything his parents wanted from time to time just to be there for me. He’s…he’s gonna kill me.

Joey is the one thing that could tear us all apart. I don’t believe that he loves her, not really. I don’t believe that she really loves him either. I think they just spent so much time putting each other up on pedestals, they didn’t have time to notice the rest of the mortals at their feet.

But she’s noticed now and I have to admit I’m having a hard time believing that it’s not all a dream or elaborate hoax. But if it were a hoax, I wouldn’t be sitting here with the phone in my hand, wondering what exactly I should do and say. Wondering what’s going to happen when Joey tells him that she’s in love with me…that we’re in love with each other.

I punch the buttons and wait. It’s almost ironic. I’m sitting in Dawson’s boxers, in love with Dawson’s ex-girlfriend, calling Dawson. They say you don’t know a guy until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes. I wonder if that applies to his underwear too?

 

~**~  
“Nice and warm.” Joey set the bundle of clothes on the bed next to Pacey. He smiled at her, holding up one finger.

“Yeah, so I’ll give Joey a call then we’ll see you there.” Pacey nodded in response to the answer he received. “Yeah. All right. No, that’s fine. Bye.” He punched the talk button and handed the phone to Joey. “Dawson wants us to be at his house by noon. The whole gang’s going to be there, so be prepared for lots of fun awkwardness.”

“Your words or his?” Joey handed him his shirt, a small frown on her face as he slipped it on.

“His. Well, sort of. He said fun. I say awkwardness.” Pacey stood up and grabbed the rest of his clothes. “I’m going to change the rest in the bathroom. Somehow, it think it would be weird to wear Dawson’s boxers to his house.”

“He does it all the time.” Joey teased, moving out of the way of his hands as he reached to grab her. Pacey followed her, finally pinning her against the wall as she backed into it. With the still warm clothes between them, he leaned down and kissed her softly.

“I’m not Dawson.” He pulled away and walked out the door, headed for the bath.

Joey sighed, her knees weakened from the close contact. “You don’t have to remind me.”

 

~**~  
Pacey and I have walked the whole way in silence, but it’s one of those comfortable ones where you’re not worried about what to say next so much as enjoying the fact that you don’t have to say anything at all. We’re getting closer to Dawson’s now though, and I can feel the tension start to build.

I want to tell Dawson and yet, I know that nothing good can possibly come of it. I don’t want to ruin the friendship we all have between us, strained as it has been sometimes. But I don’t want to have to pretend with Pacey.

Crap.

We’re at the edge of the road now and I’m starting to think of it as our own personal point of no return. How am I supposed to spend the day laughing and joking with my friends as if there’s nothing wrong when in reality everything has changed?

I mean, Andie seems to be okay with everything, but what if she’s just acting and this is going to hurt her? And what if that whole “casual sex” thing with Jen was more than casual? And how am I going to survive if Dawson kills Pacey in a jealous rage?

Okay, that one’s funny. I don’t know that Dawson could sustain anger longer than the initial attack. And I really don’t think Dawson would be jealous so much as…put out. Besides, in the long run? Pacey could kick Dawson’s ass.

I tug on Pacey’s hand and stop walking, bringing us to a halt just out of sight of the house. Turning to face him, I smile. His cheeks are flushed and the tip of his nose is bright red. Snowflakes decorate his clothes and he reminds me of when we were kids and things weren’t quite so complicated.

I love Pacey. I used to think I was in love with Dawson. Everything changes.

I grab his coat and pull him close, feeling his breath on my forehead. His arms slip around me and he just holds me loosely for a while, both of us inhaling the scent of what’s between us. Tilting my head back, I search his blue eyes for courage, which he always seems to have in abundance.

It’s there, but it’s a false courage. He looks as petrified as I probably do. But I suppose we have two choices, go in and face the music. Or live life pretending the past few days never happened. And that’s no choice at all.

Standing on tiptoe, I press a kiss to his lips. The kind of kiss I always imagined I would have someday, the kind that’s not about who might be watching or what it all means, but the kind of kiss that’s about unleashing a little bit of the passion just so that you can keep going.

Passion. For Pacey.

I really do have to be out of my mind.

 

~**~  
Dawson grinned as Joey climbed in his bedroom window. She was bundled up in a huge coat that was dusted with snow. “Hey Jo.”

“Hey Dawson.” She shrugged off the coat and tossed it over the back of his desk chair. “Pacey thought the ladder was only for the smuggling of illicit young ladies, so he’s taking the more conventional way in.”

“Yeah, stairs. What were they thinking?” Pacey ran a hand through his damp hair. “But, interestingly enough, a few others preferred my choice of entrance.”

Andie and Jack appeared behind Pacey. “Hey, are we late?” Sinking down on the edge of the bed, Andie smiled at Dawson and Joey. “We had to walk most of the way.”

“You’re in record time.” Dawson walked over to the VCR as Jen followed in Joey’s footstep, climbing over the windowsill.

“Hey.” She shook out her blonde hair. “Grams sent cookies.”

Pacey walked over and took the package from her hands and opened it. “Ooh. Chocolate chip. I’m beginning to like your Grandmother when she feeds me.”

Jack grabbed a handful and gave a few to his sister as he sat beside her. Dawson sat on the other side of the bed, a soft ache in his chest. It felt strange not to sit beside Joey. “So, what will we be watching today?”

Pacey sank down in front of the bed next to Joey. Jen raised an eyebrow at him as she held the cookies out to the woman next to him. “Want some? Since I know Witter’s not about to share food.”

Joey took a few and smiled. “Thanks Jen.”

Jen nodded and placed the box of cookies on the bed before settling onto the chair. “I vote anything other than Lord Steven.”

“How many times do I have to tell you all that I’m over my fascination with Spielberg?” Dawson gave Jen a glare as he grabbed some cookies out of the box. “I mean, he’s a great director, but I’ve moved on. Past it.”

“Sure Dawson.” Joey looked back at him over the edge of the bed and smiled. “Just like you’ve given up your optimistic outlook on life.”

“I can be cynical.”

“Yeah,” Joey nodded, her eyes belying her agreement. “And I’m likely to marry young and start having babies.”

Andie moved off the bed and went to the stack of videos. “Princess Bride, Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare in Love, Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Breakfast Club, Some Kind of Wonderful and Big Trouble in Little China.” She barely held in her laugh. “I don’t know whether to brand you an insufferable romantic or stuck in the 80’s.”

“Well, being as none of us here, except for Jen of course, are involved right now, I say we bypass the romantic love-fest and go for the nostalgia.” Jack cast a sidelong glance at Dawson.

“I don’t know about that Jack,” Dawson’s voice took on a slight edge. “I think maybe Joey and Pacey have been holding out on us in the romance department.”

“Dawson…” Joey didn’t turn around but her tone of voice spoke volumes.

“Sorry.” Dawson sighed and gestured to Andie. “Buckaroo Banzai.”

 

~**~  
Okay, so that wouldn’t have been the best time to bring up our new relationship. I mean, I don’t want to have to deal with Dawson’s inappropriate bout of indignation in front of everyone. And I certainly don’t want to do it in front of all the other ex-boyfriends, ex-girlfriends and ex-potential sex partners so that they can all join in the free-for-all.

But it hurt that she didn’t say anything.

I mean, I’m not looking for a confession of undying love here. I just think it would have been a good time to pull Dawson aside under the pretense of telling him to shut the hell up about whatever he thinks is going on between us and actually tell him what’s going on between us.

Of course, Dawson isn’t exactly the most rational being when it comes to anything connected to Josephine Potter.

I sit there, staring at the TV without really watching it, feeling her beside me. I’ve known her so long, been in love with her for so long, that I know the pattern of her breathing. I know when she’s casting sidelong glances at me and smiling.

I know how much I want to be able to sit here and touch her, hold her hand, without fear of repercussion. And I know that I’m going to have to wait until this whole movie marathon is done before that’s likely to happen.

She’s not going to say anything to him in front of anyone else. She won’t want to hurt Andie, for my sake, or Jack, for whatever there once was between them. I don’t know what she thinks of Jen knowing. As far as I can see, Jen’s known for a long time.

I think about my best friend, the other one, for a minute and I shake my head. Dawson’s not going to understand. He’s going to hate me for the rest of my life and I don’t know that Joey will be able to choose me if Dawson’s on the line.

She may love me. She says she does and I want so much to believe her. But Dawson’s been the one guy who’s been through thick and thin with her. I mean, I was around, but I usually had problems of my own to deal with. As much as this last summer hurt her, I don’t think Joey knows how to function without Dawson Leery in her life.

But I know she can live without me.

What I’m not sure of, is whether or not I can live without her.

 

~**~  
Joey leaned against Pacey’s shoulder, her eyes half closed. Being next to him all day without touching him had been a kind of torture, so she took what little she could get away with. Surely, after four movies in a row, she couldn’t be faulted for being a little tired?

His hand rested next to hers, his fingers brushing hers from time to time. The barely there sensation danced across her nerve endings until it took everything she had not to turn and kiss him.

“Jo.” His whisper was full of longing, echoing her own sentiments.

“Ssh,” she shook her head imperceptibly, knowing that if she looked at him, she’d be lost.

He nodded in response, but moved his hand so that it covered hers.

Jen saw the slight movement and immediately looked to Dawson. He appeared to be watching the movie, but the rate of his breathing seemed to suggest that something else had his attention – something he didn’t like.

The movie ended just as Dawson’s dad opened the bedroom door. “All right, theater patrons. It’s getting late. You guys hungry?”

Pacey nodded emphatically as his stomach growled. “As good as they were, man cannot live on Gram’s cookies alone.”

Mitch Leery grinned. “Well, I’ve got burgers grilling downstairs. I’ve got plenty for everyone. Anyone interested?”

They all stood. “Does this answer your question?” Andie asked.

“Trust me, I anticipated a full scale mutiny if anyone suggested another movie.” Everyone started down the stairs except for Dawson, who grabbed Joey’s arm.

“Wait for a minute?”

She nodded, wondering if Pacey had noticed. “Sure. What’s up?”

“Can we talk? Seriously? For just a bit?”

“Sure Dawson.” Joey’s heart was pounding. “What about?”

“You. And me. And…well, whoever this guy is.” He looked at her silently for a long minute. “Pacey, maybe?”

“Dawson, there is no you and me. We decided that. It was a good decision. We’re the best of friends. Whenever we try to make it something more, it goes completely and utterly wrong. Maybe it’s going to happen someday, but if we try and force it, it’s going to take the good thing we have and make it irreparably bad.”

“I understand that. I’m not asking for us to get back together.”

“So what are you asking?”

“I want you, as my friend, to tell me the truth about the new guy in your life. Is it AJ? Is it Pacey? Is it someone you’re ashamed of and you’re using Pacey as a cover?”

“Pacey as a cover for someone I’m ashamed of?” Joey laughed, quickly falling into old habits out of nervousness. “How would that be a better thing?”

“Pacey’s a decent guy,” Dawson stated.

“Yeah.” Joey agreed. “He is. But not exactly the guy you’d use as a beard if you were dating someone from the wrong side of the creek. Unless you wanted the person you were really dating to look good by comparison.”

“You guys coming?” Pacey’s jaw was set in a tight line, his teeth clenched. “Your dad’s got dinner all ready.”

“We’ll be right down.” Dawson’s brow furrowed. “You okay, Pace?”

Joey bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling. Pacey wouldn’t look at her. If his body language was saying half of what his eyes were, she was almost glad. Tears stung her eyes as he finally did glance her way. The beautiful blue of his eyes was cold and hard. “Fine. I’ll meet you two downstairs.”

 

~**~  
I hurry down the stairs as soon as I can, trying to get away from Dawson. My heart is like lead in my chest and I know he must hate me now. God, why am I so stupid? All I had to do was simply tell Dawson the truth, that I’m in love with Pacey. Six simple words and I don’t have the courage to do it.

Not that it matters now.

All I can see is his eyes.

It wasn’t so much the anger, although that was there too. It was the hurt and the betrayal behind it that brought these stupid, useless tears to my eyes. I look into the kitchen as I reach the bottom of the stairs and don’t see him. In a way, I almost expected that he’d be there, laughing and joking, trying to pretend it didn’t hurt.

But if he feels anything like what I feel, I know that it hurts too much to pretend.

I walk down the hallway toward the back porch, knowing he has to be somewhere. Pacey is too good at hiding his pain to run away and leave people to speculate about what’s bothering him. For some reason, I stop and turn, not all that surprised to find him leaning against the door to the basement.

His eyes are bright with unshed tears and the sight of them causes my own to fall. He shakes his head, as if I have no right to cry. Maybe he’s right.

I walk up to him and I want to touch him, want to bury my face against his chest and beg forgiveness. But the way he’s standing, the way he’s looking at me, I doubt that touching him is an option.

I doubt I can touch him, ever again.

 

~**~  
“You’re not still with Dawson?”

Joey flinched at the flatness of his tone. Even though his whole demeanor suggested overwhelming emotion, his voice betrayed nothing. “No.”

“I’m surprised. I figured this would be the glorious moment where you both realized your intense feelings for one another and fell back into your blissful little world.”

“Dawson doesn’t have intense feelings. Dawson plays at intensity.”

“You would know best, I guess.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Good thing. I’d hate to think how I’d feel right now if you had meant it.” He pushed off the wall and started walking toward the door. “You told me you were going to tell him, Jo. You had a perfect opportunity to do it, too. You were alone with him, he had just agreed that there was nothing between you now but friendship and you couldn’t do it.” Stopping, he turned around and smirked at her. “Maybe it was the setting. Did being alone in Dawson’s bedroom make it harder, Jo?”

The double entendre lingered in the air between them. “You know I don’t feel that way about him.”

“Do I? How do I know that? Perhaps the years of pining away you did? That certainly leads someone to believe that there’s no emotion there. Maybe your tortured ‘will they/won’t they?’ drama that I had to endure my freshman and sophomore year? That didn’t make me think there was anything between you. Or perhaps it was the fact that you practically stripped for him in his bedroom, so intent on having sex with him, even though you’d sworn that you couldn’t ever forgive him? Do you think that should have been what gave it away to me, Josephine?” Her name on his lips was like a curse. “What from those wonderful experiences should I take away as comfort that you don’t feel *that way* about Dawson?”

Tears fell down her cheeks silently as she stared at him, simply accepting his diatribe. When he finished, panting from the hoarsely whispered rant, she bent her head. “I loved Dawson a long time, Pacey. And maybe I was a little confused on what love meant and how I loved him. Maybe I was just a stupid kid without a lot of experience or anyone to show me what it was all about.” She looked up, her eyes searching his. “But whether or not I love him, he’s still my friend and I don’t want to hurt him.”

“But you can hurt me.” He shrugged. “I got it.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Pacey. I just…” She stepped forward, wondering if he was going to turn and run as she approached. He stood still until she was right in front of him. “I’m scared. Scared of how much I feel for you. Scared of how right it feels when so many people seem to think it should be wrong.”

“Not so many people, Joey. Just Dawson.”

“Dawson is how I defined a big portion of my life, Pace. It’s just…” She touched his lips with delicate fingers. “I love you. And now I know what that’s supposed to mean. It’s supposed to be what we have between us, not what I thought I had with Dawson. I mean, that’s a kind of love, but not this. And this is what I want.”

“Then why can’t you tell him?” Pacey’s voice finally broke, a soft sob breaking the words.

“Because that’s going to make it all real and I have a pretty horrible relationship track record.”

He managed a grin. “Well, if I promise you that I’ll support you fully in everything you do and I’ll only sleep with women, do you think we could give it a shot?”

She laughed through her tears. “I’m sorry I said those things up there, Pacey. Bad habits die hard.”

He took her chin in hand and tilted it slightly. “Forgiven, Potter. But I still might make you make it all up to me.”

“Oh yeah?” She brushed her lips over his then watched as his tongue darted out to taste her tears. “How’s that?”

“I was thinking a rousing afternoon in your bed.”

“You son of a bitch.” Dawson grabbed Pacey’s shoulder and pulled him away from Joey, forcing him against the wall. “I *knew* it!”

Pacey winced as his head slammed into the wall. “Dawson! What the…” His head hit again and he grabbed Dawson’s collar. Pushing against his friend’s windpipe, Pacey drove him across the short hallway. Holding Dawson to the wall this time, he took a deep breath. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“I should have know you’d do this Pacey,” Dawson’s eyes narrowed. “When I asked you to look after Joey, I didn’t ask you to get involved with her.”

Pacey loosened his hold slightly. “I didn’t look after Joey for you, man. I did it for her. And for me. It had nothing to do with you.”

“You’re a liar, Pacey. You couldn’t stand Joey half the time…”

“Yeah, like in freshman year, Dawson? When I asked you if it would be okay if I asked her out? Would that be when I couldn’t stand her? When I noticed her before you? When I’ve been harboring these feelings for so long just so I wouldn’t intrude on your perfect angst?” Pacey released Dawson completely and stepped away. “Well, screw you, buddy. I love her. She loves me. You’re just going to have to deal with it.”

Dawson stood there, trembling with anger. “She doesn’t love you.”

“Yeah. She does,” Pacey nodded vehemently.

“No. She doesn’t know what love is,” Dawson turned to Joey, his eyes as hurt as Pacey’s had been. “She just likes the chase, Pacey. Once she’s caught you, you don’t matter anymore.”

Joey stepped back, her mouth falling open in surprise. A soft hiss came from behind her and she turned to see the rest of the gang gathered around for the humiliating finale. Pacey glanced over at them quickly before turning back to Dawson. “Take it back.”

“Why? It’s true. Ask Jack. Ask me. Hell, as any man that’s had the misfortune to fall for her. She feeds you just enough rope to hang yourself then leaves you there as you choke on your own emotion.” Dawson stepped toward Joey, the full force of his hurt and anger turned on her. “You tied me up in knots, kept me from knowing which way to go, who to turn to. I couldn’t even manage to get past you, but you planned that, didn’t you? You’re the master of mixed signals, Jo. Love me, hate me, but whatever you do, don’t leave me.”

Joey sobbed, stepping back once more until she felt the hard wood of the stairs behind her. “Dawson…”

“Shut up, Jo. You’re the one who always wants to stop talking, so let’s just stop right here.” He laughed bitterly. “Fitting that everyone’s here for this, since we’ve all suffered at your hands. Jen incurs the wrath of Joey just for liking someone Joey does. Jack falls victim to her charms. And Andie’s left in the dust the minute our Capeside Siren gets her claws into Pacey.”

Dawson whirled around as Pacey grabbed his shoulder, his face meeting the oncoming fist at a serious velocity. Everyone winced at the sound, Pacey included. Dawson staggered back to the wall, clutching his jaw. “Stop it.”

Laughing despite the pain, Dawson shook his head. “You’ve known her as long as I have, Pace. You heard what she said about you upstairs. How can you possibly not see it?”

Pacey’s fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. “Don’t. Not if you know what’s good for you.”

“Although I do have to give her credit, she almost never took the easy route.” Dawson’s eyes sought out Jack’s, not noticing the look of disgust in them. “Until she thought she was losing. I know I almost got seduced. She ever use her body to try and get you back on our team, Jack?”

Pacey launched himself toward Dawson, his fists flying. Both of them struggled as the ended on the floor, fighting for purchase and dominance. Pacey ended up on top, holding Dawson’s hands to the floor. “You’re supposed to be her friend.”

“No man,” Dawson laughed bitterly and licked at the blood on his split lip. “I was supposed to be her soulmate.”

 

~**~  
I got up then, not wanting to look at Dawson anymore. He was hurt and I can understand lashing out at someone when you’re hurt. But the completely tortured look on Joey’s face is tearing me apart. I grab her hand and leave the Leery’s not caring what anyone else wanted to add to our little melodrama.

We walk out the door and it feels like freedom. They say all freedom costs, so I guess that’s a fairly accurate description. I just have to worry about the woman standing next to me. Freedom has cost her a lot more than I think she intended to pay.

She’s not crying. She’s not…anything. Frozen, maybe. Me and my ego, thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. If I hadn’t been so insistent on her telling Dawson, on my own pride – my own need to be acknowledged as the new man in Joey’s life, well, maybe she wouldn’t be feeling like she does now.

She stops walking and I do as well, turning to face her. She’s smiling this gorgeous lopsided smile that has always set my heart racing and she shakes her head. Grabbing a little bit of snow in her bare hand, she presses it to my face. I can only imagine what I must look like as the snow turns red with blood.

Wonder if Joey likes her men all manly. If her past boyfriends are any indication, I’m going to guess no, which doesn’t bode well for my brawling skills. I wonder if I should apologize for being a Neanderthal. I wish I could use the excuse of defending her honor, but I think mine was on the line a little as well.

I take her hand in mine, not caring that it’s cold from the snow, and bring it to my lips. I kiss the tips of her fingers and smile down at her. Should I feel so good after what just happened in there? Is it right to feel like I finally broke the connection that linked them together in such an unhealthy way?

Was it my right to do it?

Joey smiles up at me, the hurt still in her eyes. Dawson cut her to the bone today and it’s going to take some time to heal. Probably for all of us.

 

~**~  
“You’re bleeding still.” Joey grabbed some more snow and tried to clean off Pacey’s face. “You look like you were in a scene from Hamlet.”

“I’m not dead, thank you very much.” Pacey stepped out of her reach and grabbed two handfuls of snow then rubbed them across his face. “Better?”

Joey pressed her lips together to capture the laugh. “Now you look bloody all over. Good job.” She grabbed his wrist and shook the snow out of his hand then laced her fingers with hers. “Don’t say anything about this to Bessie, okay? I don’t know that I could handle both of you wondering how I’m handling the huge Dawson blow-up.”

“I…”

“Shush.” She opened the door to the B&B and ushered him to the bathroom. Locking the door behind them, she shivered a little. “I left my coat at Dawson’s.”

“Me too.”

“Wonder if it would be considered bad etiquette to ask for them back after beating the shit out of the host.” She turned on the hot water and leaned against the door as Pacey sank down onto the toilet. “You think Miss Manners would tell us?”

“At least he didn’t break my nose.” Pacey looked at himself in the mirror. Joey hadn’t lied. He now had blood smeared all over his face instead of just trickling from a few places. “I look horrible.”

“He looked worse, if that makes it better.”

“I only hit him a couple of times.”

Joey grabbed a washcloth and wet it then rang it out. “Come here.”

Pacey stood and boosted himself up onto the bathroom counter. Joey stepped in between his legs and started washing his face carefully, being sure not to reopen any wounds. He closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of the warm water and her hands, moving lovingly over his tender skin. “You’re good at this.”

“I’ve had practice with Alexander.”

“I’m sorry, Jo, if I did anything or said anything that I didn’t have a right to.”

“Dawson was insulting your girlfriend.” She shrugged. “I would hope you’d kick his ass.”

He grinned then winced at the pain. “Ow. Okay, note to self, no grinning.” He sat still as she finished cleaning his face. “Will I live?”

“You might. If we don’t kill each other.” She rested her hands lightly on his thighs. “This isn’t going to be easy, is it Pacey?”

“Nothing ever is with us, Joey. You know that.”

“I’d like it to be easy sometimes.”

He put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her closer to him so that her head was resting against his chest. “Loving me is a pretty easy thing to do. I’m really loveable.” He kissed the top of her head as she chuckled then went on. “And I’m having no difficulty being in love with you. In fact, I’d go so far as to say it’s the easiest thing I’ve ever done.”

“Flatterer.”

“And the rest of it doesn’t matter. Not when we’ve got all that.” He reached for her chin and tilted her face up so that he could see her. “Now, you still owe me an afternoon in your bed, Miss Potter, but I’m a little beaten up right now and I don’t think I could give it the appreciation it would deserve. So what do you say you just kiss me and we’ll postpone the fireworks.”

“Fireworks?” She raised an eyebrow in question. “You’re that good?”

“With the two of us, Jo?” He kissed her quickly, amazed again at how the slightest touch from her could set his blood pounding in his veins. “How could it be anything less than explosive?”


End file.
